Just in case FB ever shuts down…

Ironically, a graphic design major is questioning the use of technology. I know, crazy, right? But, I honestly can’t remember the last time that I printed off an actual photograph! I do regularly back up though…just in case you technology nerds were thinking of suggesting that. I’m equally “nerded” but depend heavily on the good ol’ internet and all of it’s fancy app’s.

So, just in case FB crashes one day and all of my posts about my kiddos and this circus I’m involved in disappears, I at least want to have this crazy post saved somewhere near and dear to me.

And side note, I did start a baby book for Parker. Hence the word “start” and Amelia, well, she’s writing her own book.

Thursday Morning Wake Up Calls

3:58 am Wake up call and daily snuggles, check. Which also includes one elbow to the boob, a knee in the gut, and someone pulled out a handful of my hair. Still not sure who the culprit was?

4:10 am Breakfast requested, rolled over and pretended it was all a bad dream.

4:15 am Begin countdown for how long I can convince them to go back to sleep before tears begin. They lasted three minutes, in case you were wondering. 3 minutes!

4:20 am Both have conveniently had to poop and need help with their “business” downstairs.

4:23 am Mom is officially up.

4:24 am Mom begins fixing breakfast while lecturing them about how important sleep is…for EVERYONE.

4:30 am First fight begins, Peppa Pig vs Paw Patrol, this shit it serious.

4:37 am The kids are quiet for a few minutes, in someone’s defense they are finally eating their effing breakfast.

4:45 am The kids suddenly realize it’s super dark outside, “why are we awake?” Good question, very good question.

4:48 am Amelia insisted I paint her fingernails and when I refused because I’m pretty sure my eyes weren’t functioning yet, we listened to a meltdown for a good five minutes about her nails.

4:58 am I was challenged to a drawing match on the magnadoodle. I take drawing games very seriously. Challenge accepted.

5:10 am Both kids are mad at me for my mad drawing skills….ahhhhhh silence.

5:11 am Parker says, “I’m tired.” I bite my tongue. He’s got to be kidding me.

5:21 am Amelia says, “I think it’s time for our second breakfast.” Are you serious, are you freaking serious?

5:22 am Amelia’s second breakfast was a bowl of croutons. Mom of the year award, right here.

5:31 am Parker falls asleep on the couch. YES, at least one kid is smart.

5:40 am Parker is awake. WTH

5:42 am Amelia is working hardcore on whooping my butt at a new drawing match. Challenge accepted, but I know I must now use my right hand to draw…lesson learned.

5:47 am I’m going to close my eyes for just one second.

6:02 am I wake up to Ollie being wrapped up in a baby blanket and being forced into a baby crib. Ollie scratched Parker, there is no blood, but there could be later…this is SERIOUS. Bandaid, ASAP. Crisis averted.

6:05 am Parker and Amelia are arguing over the words “fat” and “big” and all I can think about is how I would love to take a big, fat nap after this.

6:07 am, Parker thinks it’s time to start getting dressed for school, I mean we technically do have less than 2 hours now before we are supposed to be there.

6:15 am Amelia gets mad at Ollie for attacking her. I try so hard not to laugh. No one is hurt, but now she is reminded about her nails when she was looking for a “wheeeeeeeely bad scratch.” And cue, the fingernail polish argument…but, this mama doesn’t have time for flawless nails so I put an end to it before she could get to her ugly, silent cry. Another crisis adverted.

6:18 am I check the clock…what the hell, has time just stopped moving?

6:19 am Amelia yelled at me for flushing the toilet. My bad. Really? Does anyone else have children that pooh this much? Like seriously. Twice already, today?

6:25 am Only one hour and thirty minutes left until take off. You can do this. Pep talk was successful.

6:30 am Dora it is. No arguments. Thank you Jesus.

6:37 am Parker is snoring and sound asleep. I threaten Amelia with her beloved fingernail polish to be quiet or she walks the plank. She doesn’t even know what that means, but it worked.

6:40 am Try to avoid eye contact with her for several minutes. Maybe she will fall asleep?

7:18 am Parker woke up and said, “he had the best nap ever!”

7:20 am Everyone has their clothes on and shoes and we are now fast approaching the coats. We still have 20 minutes to spare. Will this ever end?

7:22 am Mom gets a great idea. Go to the gas station and get gas at a snails pace. Sorry to anyone behind me that was in a hurry.

7:32 am I say in my most excited voice possible, “Let’s drive around for a bit!” Groans and moans come from the backseat. I ignore and engage in “kill time now mode” at a snails pace.

7:45 am Approaching school, Amelia yawns, “ahhhhhhh, I’m gonna need a nap today!”

7:50 am Amelia is playing hopscotch while Parker stands at the beginning of a line that he’s created staring off into space. I go over to him, “why aren’t you playing, buddy?” “I’m just too tired, mama.” Me too buddy. Me too.

7:55 am The kids are getting in line. Amelia demands huggies and kissies, while Parker casually waves goodbye.

8:00 am I drive home and reflect upon the last four hours of this joyous experience and think, maybe I should have given them a shot of whisky…no, maybe I needed a shot of whisky?

Good luck teachers. I applaud all of you, always.

Now I’m going to go take a big, fat nap.



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