(I need to emphasize that I have been writing this post for over two weeks now. So some things are outdated, but still relevant.)
As I lay here in my bathtub full of apple cider vinegar and bentonite clay, I can’t help but wonder, “will I be doing this for the rest of my life?” Yes, I write my blogs while I detox…doesn’t everyone? 😜
I spent the majority of the day getting infusions, then I went grocery shopping, then I helped my parents set up for the garage sale, then I came home and did a coffee break, one hour in the sauna, and then ended with my wonderful smelly detox bath. It’s late for me. I have been going to bed around 8:30 every night, but tonight it is 12:30 am. I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been putting myself on the back burner. I haven’t been taking care of myself like I promised myself that I would. What has changed since I made that promise to myself over a year ago? Life.
For instance, I’ve been working on this one blog post now for over two weeks and I’m not even sure where I was going with this one???
I do know that I am getting closer to solving my puzzle. I strongly believe that my Lyme and co-infections are under control. My hormones, which are affected by Lyme are finally under control. I’m now on a thyroid pill and I am hopeful that will help with my crippling fatigue. I also started taking quite a bit of iron for my anemia, which has got to help with my lack of energy. I’ve passed three gallstones and my gallbladder pain is completely gone.
Things are looking up even though this time of year is so busy and I have to be very selective about how much I do in a day or the days to follow. That is the biggest annoyance and probably one of the biggest things “normal” people do not understand. For example, this week I helped chaperone a field trip to the zoo with my son. People don’t realize that the day before I had to sleep for an extra four hours and that the day after I slept for an extra six hours just to be able to pretend for a few hours that my son had a “normal” mother. I watched the children play and thought so many times to myself, “if only they would each give me just a little bit of their energy…the things that I could accomplish.” When I say I’m tired or exhausted, I don’t think most people understand what that really means. I used to think I knew what tired meant, but now I don’t even have the right word to use to describe the exhaustion that I feel. When your legs feel so heavy you don’t think you can walk and have to grab onto the wall to balance yourself, when you think you could fall asleep driving and roll the windows down so you don’t, and when just walking up the stairs to go to bed seems impossible. The debilitating fatigue takes over and sometimes I have no idea how I managed to get through another day. If I didn’t have these fatigue issues, I might almost be able to say that I am fairly close to being normal, or my version of normal.
The thing is…when one symptom finally is under control it seems like three more appear in its place. I’m not sure if other Lymies feel like that, but it’s a never ending puzzle. So now what am I left with? Well, right now the big focus is on my heart. I see a cardiologist the beginning of June. Most of you know that I was diagnosed with POTS, but the medicine they gave me hasn’t been working as well as they had hoped. Sometimes my heart rate is 145, my average resting heart rate right now is 101. Also, my blood pressure hasn’t been the best. Typically, it’s anywhere from 115/95-124/105. So, off to the cardiologist I go. I’m extremely hopeful that if this issue gets resolved that my fatigue will also improve because my heart won’t be working so hard. I’m pretty much putting all my eggs in this heart basket because I’m running out of options.
If my fatigue is still bad after the cardiologist appointments then we will explore viruses and toxin loads. I’m very hopeful it won’t come to this because the testing is very expensive, and it’s just ONE MORE THING.
Nonetheless, I’m grateful for life even when it’s hard and seems impossible. I’m grateful for my kiddos who help motivate me to get better. And I’m grateful for the support of my friends and family, and even more thankful for the ones that take the time to understand the extremely difficult and challenging journey that I am on.