WARNING: Diarrhea of the mouth…

What a let down life has been lately.  

 
No, it’s not a “woe is me” day it’s just a realistic, reflective type of day. All the following sayings apply and are overused, but nonetheless they apply.

“When it rains it pours.”

“If it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all.” 

“It can’t get any worse.”

“We can only go up from here.” 

Blah, blah, blah. (insert eye roll)  

In the past month and a half God has challenged every single person in my life, including myself multiple times. 

My health has been majorly challenged. Not only did I suffer from strep several times this winter, but laryngitis and bronchitis where close friends of mine as well. I not only had weird reactions to my prescribed meds, but now I find out my gallbladder isn’t doing it’s job. I also have a cyst that is creating enormous amounts of pain that we found this month through ultrasound. We also found out my gallbladder was in trouble through ultrasound as well. And, I passed out at the chiropractor’s today. All of these things are so frustrating to me. I eat right, I take my supplements, I detox, I rest, and I am doing everything I can at this point but still feel like I’m drowning. I can barely stay afloat and this is when I am supposed to be getting better and healing more and more, not having major setbacks.   

 
Also, my kids have been sick a lot this winter….more than ever before. And, I automatically go to “they must have Lyme” mode and turn into the biggest worrier/freak ever and basically shove as many vitamins in them as they allow.  

My parents, husband, and extended family and friends have all been challenged the past couple months in some way or another and there are so many challenges that are still unresolved. I feel sorry for everyone right now. I feel bad for complaining so much, but obviously not bad enough to stop complaining! It’s just been majorly hard since we’ve moved, and this was supposed to be my comeback year. And so far, I feel like I’m left with more stress and baggage than one person should ever have to carry.  

  

My insurance is crap. Seriously a piece of crap. They are refusing to pay for things that aren’t even related to Lyme and I’m positive we are going to have to get a lawyer. Why are we paying almost $1,000 a month for insurance when it doesn’t even apply? Why? Which brings me to my next point. Why is this world so corrupt? Does anyone see a silver lining? Does anyone see things getting better? Financially speaking Illinois is a mess, our politics are corrupt, school systems are out of control,  and it’s all so embarrassing. So after several hospital visits this past week and the millions of labs I had done, I’m sure I will love getting that bill in the mail especially when it shows that my insurance doesn’t exist!!! 

Today is the day. Caution: diarrhea of the mouth has commenced. 

It’s just too much. When is it going to be easy? When we will not suffer and struggle? When will people prioritize and realize what is REALLY important? When will we be floating down the river instead of drowning or barely staying afloat? Why is everything so hard? And I’m not even specifically talking about myself here. Just in general…it seems that most people are struggling and that life is just stressful and challenging. Why? Are there lessons to be learned? Sure…I’m sure there are and I’m sure they are invaluable, but there is a fine line between learning a lesson and growing from it, to what we have been experiencing lately. AKA: our breaking point. It’s a slippery slope that we are standing on. I could easily turn my back on God, but I know that wouldn’t solve anything and really just make things worse. But, God…if you happen to be reading blogs today I would kindly like for you to please just let some of us have a break for awhile. No more lessons and no more pain. Just a short break, a time to catch our breath…please.  

  

I would love to wake up and say, “wow, what a great beautiful day and everything is going just as planned.” I want that so badly. I want normalcy and happiness and no worries or fear.  
    

 

And side note-why in the hell did they ever start posting these visual recipes on Facebook that all seem to have bacon or chocolate in them? Seriously? Cause it’s not already hard enough? Me over here eating my birdseed, air, and water…drooling from the mouth watching those damn videos. It’s like a train wreck, I can’t look away.  

Vent over…for now. I’m honestly starving and want to go find something to eat because just thinking of that brownie and Oreo video I watched this morning is killing me. 

And, while we are talking about food, why is it that the healthy food is so much more expensive? And why is it that all I want are Oreos? 

Seriously this time, my vent is over. 

On a more positive note…my gallbladder may be treatable, but I have to drink some pretty gross stuff to help it work. I’m desperate though to keep all my organs and to avoid surgery at all costs, so I pretend it’s a nice little cocktail three times a day. I am also alive and so is my beautiful family. We have a home and warm beds. We have each other and we have love. It could be so much worse…I know this, like I said, “it’s just one of those days.”  

 
Thanks for listening. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s