Lyme Disease is like an onion. I’ve never liked onions and so it makes sense I would compare it to that. I say it’s like an onion because even after all of the research, knowledge I’ve acquired, and the doctors I have seen I am still finding/experiencing new issues. I keep peeling back the layers and find more and more issues that my Chronic Lyme Disease has caused.
I don’t think some people understand the severity of this complex disease. More often than not, it’s not “just” Lyme Disease. You have co-infections like Bartonella, Babesia, and Erichilosis just to name a few popular ones. Often, Bells Palsy, Epstein Barr, HHV 6, Microplasma Pneumonia, Chlamydia Pneumonia, Parasites, Staff Infections, Strep, and MTHFR (genetic mutations) come into play. There are so many other diagnosis that go hand in hand with Chronic Lyme Disease…I literally have just listed a few. And each of these extra diagnosises has a laundry list of severe symptoms that goes along with them.
People seem to think that it’s the Lyme that is getting me down, but it’s so much more than that. My immune system is that of a newborn baby. In this last month alone I have had strep throat, a sinus infection, the flu, and now shingles. Is it bad luck? No. Is it because in another life I tortured cute little puppy dogs? No. Is it because God has left me? No. It’s because of my Lyme Disease that these things are happening.
Why did I get Lyme Disease? I was predisposed and susceptible. It’s that simple.
Do I get bitter and angry at times? You bet I do. Do I get pissed at the world and God? You bet I do. Do I get upset about the people that have left me since I’ve gotten sick? You bet I do. Do I wonder, “Why me, why us?” You bet I do.
This world is harsh and mean and cruel and most obvious, unfair. When I was a child I would often tell my parents, “it’s not fair that I can’t…, it’s not fair that I don’t have…” And at that point, I was just being a spoiled child, but honestly, life isn’t fair. I knew then, but I know now what that really means. Life is hard and a full blown roller coaster ride. It’s unpredictable and tough. It’s tough for people that don’t have a chronic illness.
This morning, I was upset and angry with everything and everyone. But, then after my doctor appointment I was sitting in my car waiting for my prescriptions to be filled and I just broke down. I felt guilty for being so ungrateful and for being so angry with God. It could always be worse. Even for someone like me who deals with a new illness almost weekly. I needed to remind myself of all of the blessings in my life. I am alive. I am blessed. I have so much to be thankful for. I just needed to be reminded of that, and after I was reminded of all of my blessings then I knew that it was time to suck it up and focus on healing.
I will always struggle. I will always have battles to fight. I will always have chronic fatigue and a low immune system no matter what I try to do, but I am fortunate to be able to get weekly IV infusions to help with my immune system. Some people don’t have that as an option. Some people with Chronic Lyme can’t even walk or talk. Some are even dying.
I know others that are struggling far worse than I am. I am thankful for my shingles being on the opposite side of my port so I can still get treatments. I’m thankful for all of my doctors that called me today from Arizona, Missouri, and Illinois. I am thankful for medicine and help. I am so thankful for all the support I have. Although, some people dropped me like a hot potato when I got sick, I have actually gained more friends and a better support group than before.
I am blessed and I am done feeling sorry for myself. Life is a journey. Life is unfair. Life
is beautiful. More importantly, everyone has their own story.
Onions…they can make you cry or they can make your food taste better (at least that’s what people tell me). Chronic Illness can make you cry, but it can also bring out the best in you if you allow it.