I’m sure this will offend some…

Well, first of all I would like to share with all of you something that has been bothering me for about five months now. As I’m starting to heal, I realize I need to let go and forgive, which is SO hard to do. I fall short every time, but I thought if I shared this experience, my frustrations, my anger, and my disappointment with you, it might do ME some good.  

 

Maybe I can finally start to heal that part of me that has hardened, but of course, I need a good therapeutic vent first. ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ’ฉ

I’ve never ever used the expression #sorrynotsorry, but I think this blog is finally one that I can use it for. I used to think that was rude, “why would someone apologize and not really be sorry?” But, I think I understand now. 

So, with that being said…I’m sorry but I’m not sorry. There are things that need to be said and if I’m the one that has to say them than so be it. 

 

On a positive note: I would first like to brag on my coworkers and students. They have been awesome through this awful experience and they have always been supportive and had my back. They have fought my battles when I wasn’t there to fight them myself. I always knew my coworkers were my friends, but they are so much more than that. They are family. 

My students have always had my full attention, even last semester while I was working and also dying (I’m not exaggerating) I tried to always put them first. Fake it until you make it. I didn’t want them to know that something was wrong, but they still knew. I guess I wasn’t very good at faking it. They have also fought my battles. They tried to save the art program, by speaking at board meetings for me. They tried to keep me full-time instead of part-time and it’s so honorable and I’m so proud of them! 

 They are still constantly sending me messages, pictures, and emails telling me that they miss me or they are sending me pictures of their artwork. And I miss them. I miss them so much! I miss inspiring them, teaching them, making them laugh, telling stories, I also worry about them, and to be honest they are like family to me too. 

Both have been such good support systems for me, it’s unbelievable. I’ve been so privileged to have touched so many lives, but more importantly they have touched mine and changed me…for the better I hope.    

With that being said, I’m now going to talk about the other side of my experience at my district and I’m sure there will be backlash, and I’m sure I will get a phone call, but it’s only fair for myself and for all of you that I share my story and show you exactly what’s behind that blue and orange curtain. 

Not once since I left, have any of my bosses or the school board called, emailed, texted me, sent cards etc. to see how I am doing. I will tell you that it’s nothing for them to call and “discipline” me over the phone or mail numerous “official” letters to my house repeatedly, that my husband is now having to deal with since I’m not there. He has to go to the post office each time to pick them up. Several times, it’s been the same letter three or four times. To be honest, I was shocked, but even more disappointed.

 

No joke, since I’ve been gone, January 5, I’ve had two letters put in my file. I’m sure this blog will result in a third one. How can someone get into trouble when they aren’t even there? Side note-I’ve never ever had anything ever put in my “file” since I started working there six years ago. 

For example, they made me take down the Art Club Facebook Page (which I did immediately) the day I repeated what was said at a PUBLIC MEETING about the art program being cut to part-time. 

What happened then? I got a letter in my file and a wonderful phone call. That, my friends, was public knowledge held at a public meeting, but it got people talking and they didn’t like it. I’ve had that page for over a year now, never a problem until that day. Side note-other clubs still have their pages up. (No offense other clubs) 

Consistencyagreement or harmony of parts or features to one another or a whole :correspondence; specifically  :ability to be asserted together without contradiction 

b  :harmony of conduct or practice with profession <followed her own advice with consistency>


I also got a letter put in my file because I didn’t call in for a sub the first day back to school, January 5. The sub was there ready to go, the adminstrators and myself had agreed previously that would be the start date of the subs first day, but I got a phone call while I was at the doctors office and then shortly after that an official letter went into my file. (No warnings. No, we understand your going through a lot…simple mistake. No, how are you doing?)

 

I will tell you that I met with my bosses back in November and they encouraged me to go on disability. Promised me my job would be here waiting when I got back. Told me it wasn’t a problem at all. Everything would be fine. That they completely understood.  Now I wonder how genuine that meeting was afterall. 

 

So, here I am now. Thinking this “family” or “support system” I have through my administration and the board is a joke. It’s transparent. It needs to be said, and right now I am probably the only one that doesn’t have a whole lot to lose that can say these things. I know other things have gone on with other teachers that are just terrible, but that’s not my story to tell.  

To be honest, this has really nothing to do with the fact that they cut me. I know we are in a financial crisis. I’m not an idiot. Things needed to change and things will continue to need to change. But, it does have everything to do with dignity and humanity. I have wondered often how can they all sleep at night? Because, I haven’t even told you what the worst part is…in my eyes anyways. 

They have basically forbidden anyone, students, clubs, teachers to support the benefit they are having for me. They don’t want the school’s name or the school to be affiliated with it at all. 

How can someone who worked there for six years mean that little to you? How can they tell other people what they can and can’t do when it comes to a benefit? Kids and teachers including myself got into trouble for doing the Lyme Challenge. How can they not support me after all that I have done for them? Don’t they want the youth to be educated about Lyme   Disease in a rural area and how you can prevent it? Isn’t the school supposed to be all about education? 

It’s so sad. It’s so disheartening. It’s so disgusting. 

My husband’s district is awesome. They are ALL so supportive and encouraging. That’s how it’s supposed to be. That school district has it right. Good job Altamont! 

Here’s the kicker, I have been the Art Club Advisor for free for five years (I loved it by the way), and in the past five years we have donated so much money to Breast Cancer month, Austism Awareness month, Christmas Shoeboxes for children in need, etc. (Which are all great causes and I would do it again in a heartbeat) but they won’t allow a teacher to be supported of a deadly disease? They won’t let the students help? The teachers can’t get involved unless it’s off school grounds? 

The district won’t support me or help me at all? I’m not even talking financially here, I’m talking about a good old fashioned card that says, “hey we are thinking about you, let us know if we can help.”  

 

But, then they would have to admit that I was sick and so maybe that’s why they aren’t supportive? Maybe they want me to quit and not be part-time next year? Either way, for the past five months they have handled this whole situation without grace, wisdom, courage, or compassion. 

In fact, when I got here to Arizona and was starting my treatments, I was having to deal with them basically threatening to increase my insurance or find another one because TRS (my disability) was taking too long. That was all out of my hands, but it didn’t matter to them. Heaven forbid they show some compassion and turn the other cheek while it’s getting figured out.  

 

So, I’m done with the bullying because that’s what they are doing. They have caused me more harm physically and emotionally these past five months than I ever could have imagined. In fact, I think that’s why I got sicker so much faster because of the stress and all the crap they were putting me through.  

 

When your life flashes before your eyes you suddenly become aware of your priorities and your perspective changes, suddenly telling the truth isn’t such a bad thing or scary. The community needs to know. 

I’m not going to sit here any longer and hear about how admimistration is still trying to control things that the students want to do for me or for Lye Diaease, or what the teachers want to do. It’s about time someone called all of them out on their lack of compassion, their blatant lies, their petty micromanaging, their bullying, and their fake smiles, because it’s all a charade.  

 

So, sorry not sorry. 

Telling the truth was liberating and you guys are so big on anti-bullying, which is ironic because you have done nothing but bully me this entire semester all while I’m weak, too weak to fight, and too weak to stand up for myself. Was I just an easy target? Was there a hidden agenda? I will never know seeing how telling the truth seems to be a difficult task for some.

But, like I said before. I was harboring so much resentment and hatred for their behavior that I knew it was unhealthy and it was in the way of my journey to health and happiness. 

If I could pick one word: disappointment

But, I’m a fighter even if I am really sick and I’m no longer scared of a district and their threats. I’m here to heal and get better for my family and friends. No one can stop that.  

 

So, I will continue to pray for them and hope that their hearts are touched, and that their burdens are lifted, and that their eyes are opened. Because, that’s all I can do right now, but I know prayer is powerful. 

I thank you all for listening to me vent, and I hope if you are praying people that you pray for our administration and our board too, because they desperately need it. 

Thank you always for your support. 

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30 thoughts on “I’m sure this will offend some…

  1. No one understands what you are saying more than me. I’ve been there…actually, almost exactly where you are. Unfortunately, I had a very similar experience. It was hard. And no joke, took me almost 2-3 years to get over it. It hurts. It still hurts a little. But, I won’t get started, because I may not be able to stop! ๐Ÿ˜‰ So my advice to you, is focus on your health. That is your priority. Get better and then deal with it. I am not saying let it go, just put it on the back burner until you feel better. Take care. Miss you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I thought of you a lot when I was writing this. It’s happened too many times and it’s just unfortunate! I’m sorry you went through this, but look how blessed you are now!?!?!?!?

      Like

  2. I don’t think I know you, but your story came across my fb newsfeeds this morning. I do live in Jasper Co & feel pretty ashamed of that at the moment. How sad!!! “Our” school district is a joke (at least the ones “running” it). I commend you for standing up for yourself! You’re right, this issue needs to be known. I pray for your healing… physically, emotionally. Take care of YOU!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I honestly wrote it to make me feel better…I felt like I was a volcano just building up so much animosity and I knew that wasn’t healthy. But, I also did it because my health and family are number one and I’ve never seen that more clearly now, and letting go of how they have treated me was one of the most important things that I did for my healing. Plus, I don’t have much to lose at this point when your life is at stake. Don’t be ashamed of where you live or what has happened, just know that it did happen and grow from it. Knowledge is power, and we can all learn from other peoples’ mistakes. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you though for your support, it was nice meeting you!

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  3. Unfortunately, I have had the opportunity to personally witness some of these disturbing phone calls, letters and emails that Christina has had to deal with. It is so disheartening to see how the Administration has handled Christinaโ€™s illness and even her request for disability. Nothing was easy; it was one of the most difficult processes Iโ€™ve seen anyone have to endure. It is easy to say something, but following through with oneโ€™s actions is another story. Just ask anyone who knows me very well, I am the great defender, initially I would try to justify or defend their actions. But I canโ€™t do it anymore. It has been too hard to watch the affect that those calls, letters and emails have had; the impact it has had on her already fragile body has taken a toll.

    When in an administrative role, consistency is critical. Itโ€™s not a good idea to change the rules for one, but not all. Donโ€™t get me wrong, I think itโ€™s important to offer support and encouragement to Breast Cancer Awareness and Autism Awareness. But what is wrong with Lyme Disease Awareness? What is wrong with supporting one of your own?

    I know it is difficult being in an Administrative role; itโ€™s sometimes hard to know what is right or wrong and what is best for the entire community. But it should be easy to support one of your own teachers with just a word or encouragement to let them know you are thinking of them during difficult times.

    The NCHS Mission Statement: Educate Everyone, Everyday, Every Way
    The NCHS Vision Statement: We Inspire โ€“ We Lead โ€“ We Teach & Learn

    In my opinion, Christina continues to stand by and live out the NCHS Mission and Vision. She not only enjoys teaching art, she is passionate about it. Her students and the teachers have become a part of who she is and she is stronger from knowing them and having had this experience. Everything happens for a reason, and although we donโ€™t always understand why at the time, it is usually revealed to us later. The main thing is to learn and grow from them. Christina is here in Arizona to heal and the healing process has begun on many levels! Thank you all for your love, support, encouragement and prayers that you offer our daughter Christina as she travels this road of her journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am Daniel McCrillis dad! He thinks a lot of you!! I am so sad and VERY DISAPPOINTED in what you shared about this administration and school board!!! The rest of the faculty that has been bullied need to come forward and share!!!! This NEEDS TO STOP!!!!! Election is this coming Tuesday… Please share people!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I miss Daniel! Tell him I said hi!

      Unfortunately, I doubt anyone else will come forward because they all want to keep their jobs, and aren’t sick, and are still working there. All of which, I completely understand by the way. Bullying is powerful and it can scare. I was just fed up. I am hopeful that maybe more might share, but if not, please know that I am not alone and there are many others that have had to face some pretty shocking circumstances due to poor decisions and scare tactics. It’s sad and unfortunate.

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  5. My husband and I just read this together and were in tears. Neither of us know you, but recognize the hurt and disappointment you feel. Our hearts hurt for you and your family! We are hoping and praying that on Tuesday, that separation can be changed. We are praying for you! May God bless you and heal you! We hope to meet you in the near future, you are an amazing and strong woman!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wise!!! We ALL miss you here at NCHS!! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ You are a fighter and you will beat this! You are in everyones prayer! Hopefully you will be back before us Seniors graduate! Miss you! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Of course I am Karsyn’s mom and she handed me this to read as she had tearsin her eyes!! As you know you she loves you and misses you so much!! You were so good to her for the 4 years she was in art and your speech to her and also to her dad and I at awards night was just a glimpse into the kind of person/teacher you are, made me tear up that night!!! Just showed me the compassion you have for your students!! Sad as it is, this does NOT surprise me at all to hear about this from our administration and our school board!! All you hear from them is it “is all about the kids” really???? Not from what I have seen and heard!! The election is close and I just hope new people will come in and really do things “for the kids” instead of being a puppet for the “big guy”!! We hope you are getting better and just know how much you are missed!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I know you may not know me as I have never taken any of your classes but my younger sister has. I know that is hard to deal with principals and administrators that don’t actually care for you or your students. I know I can relate to you about how the JC District had treated my illness over the last year that I was there. Know that you are better than what they are.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I have never met you but I want to tell you that that you are in my heart and prayers. Please know there are alot of people pulling for you and you didn’t deserve such treament!!! Hugs to you and your family!! Be strong and know you have us behind you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You sound like a strong positive person. Keep your faith and remember karma comes around. The. Board isn’t very popular right now I doubt this will make them anymore popular. Keeping you in prayer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, I think I’m strong most of the time but sometimes I break…like everyone I suppose. This disease has really kicked my butt, but I haven’t lost my fire yet!

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  11. Christina, wow! Look at all the shares & comments this has received. You are so brave to speak out. I wasn’t. I never made my problems known to anyone other than close friends and family. I am glad you had the courage to get your story out there. You are not alone. There are others, and we support you 100%. Also, I love, love, loved what your mom said. Awesome, Karen! Praying for you both. ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I do not know you, but thank you for sharing this. Most of the time, the public is not aware of situations such as yours, and I have no doubt that there are others who could tell us more that we do not know! Please know that as a Jasper County native who,has raised four children that have attended school here, I could not be more ashamed of the school board and administrators than I am at this very moment. Unfortunately, most of us are too afraid to rock the boat or make waves when we encounter injustices, so I commend you for having the courage to stand up to them and let the public know your plight! i hope you have inspired others to do the same. We, the parents and grandparents of the children who are the future of this community need to know what this administration is doing behind their closed door sessions and it is time for us to stand up, pay attention and hold them accountable for their actions. May God grant you peace and strength and I wish you the best of health. Thank you for your courage and dedication to your students.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I had him for a short period during RTI, you should ask him about a chair he used to sit in. He he. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I enjoyed having him for that brief period! He’s a good guy.

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  13. Christina, It saddens me to hear everything you’ve been dealing with , especially how things have been going at school. As an administrator it is dumbfounding how your building higher ups are not supportive of your situation. Have you talked to hr? But just know you have so many people rallying for you. Keeping you in my thoughts.
    โค Melissa

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Not working and only living in this community, I honestly didn’t know any of this was going on. I am ashamed of how you have been treated. This is not the school district I was brought up in. You are a wonderful teacher and beautiful person. The kids love you. You were one of my son’s favorite teachers and you inspired him in many ways. You truly have the kids best interests in mind. Prayers to you and family. I will be voting on Tuesday.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. That means a lot. I was shocked too by the way they treated me these past five months. I know every school district has problems but I feel like this shouldn’t be one of them. Thank you for your kind words!!!! It’s nice to know I have support…thank you.

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  15. Christina,

    I read all of your blog posts, but somehow missed this one. I am so sorry for this mess at JCCU. Although I am not sick, I am feeling the injustices from the administration as well. Not sure if you realized, but I was not RIFed. Instead, I was “dismissed”. Not “honorably” dismissed like the other teachers, just “dismissed”. When looking at my evaluations, I have had nothing but proficient and excellent marks. Never was I given any indication that I had done something “wrong”. When I asked the higher ups why I was dismissed, their response has simply been, “You’re a first year teacher here, so we don’t have to tell you the reason.” How cowardly. If they’re going to rock someone’s life this way, they could at least have the decency to provide a reason why. I guess i really have nothing to lose now, speaking out about this situation, since I already know I don’t have a job here next year. I am very optimistic about the new school board that was elected last night. I think they will challenge those who need to be challenged. Hang in there, girl. You’re doing everything right. Don’t doubt yourself one bit.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you said something! I SO wanted to talk about you and the injustice of what happened to you and the blatant lies that were told about your circumstance. There was so reason to do what they did, they were just being controlling bullies and I’m so so so sorry you had to deal with that when the whole time they were telling you and us that everyone would just be RIFed, not fired. And then the day they do it they tell you something different. Where is the honor and loyalty? I know you are good teacher, I heard nothing but great things. So, why would they do that? You probably in the past year challenge or stepped on someone’s toes maybe without even realizing it. That seems to happen. You may forgotten it even happened, but he won’t or didn’t. That’s my only explanation. I’m so sorry! Hang in there girl, God’s got bigger and better plans.

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