It’s so hard to be here away from the Hubby and P and A. I am missing the missing out. Today, they had an Easter egg hunt at daycare. “A” wasn’t even walking last Easter and now she is gathering eggs. “P” would just sit and eat the first egg he found, but today he was grabbing them left and right. And I missed it…I missed all of those new milestones.
Don’t get me wrong this is such a blessed experience that I am able to have, a real chance at life, and I know there will be many more egg hunts and haircuts, but I just wish I could be at two places at once.
I know though, that each day I am here I will be a better mom and wife for them when I come back. I know that in my head, but my heart still aches and hurts in ways I didn’t think were possible.
When I think of missing Easter, A’s 2nd birthday, haircuts, boo boo’s & bandaids, cuddles, and so much more, it devastates me. They are my focus, my rock, but God provides me the strength to get through this.
I am also so humbled by the support of my family and friends back home. The fundraisers, donations, the hardwork everyone is putting in for my cause. I knew I needed to come here, it wasn’t even an option anymore. I was dying. But, money was a problem. But, once again God is providing. Yes. I’m missing the missing out stuff, but soon I will be home and I will be able to play and provide for my family in ways I haven’t been able to in almost a year now.