Nine years ago…

I believe this was around my 21 birthday. I wish I could go back just for a couple hours. To sit and not have any worries and to enjoy life and company. 

I see the pure joy on my face and wonder…will ever feel that again? 

I wonder if I will make it through all of this? 

My liver is failing, which is scary. I lost my job security by being cut to half time. There is more but its all been bad and it’s not even worth mentioning. 

It’s ironic, this week was my 31 birthday. I no longer am happy or joyful. Where did that girl go? I no longer feel alive. 

The only thing that is keeping me going is my family. 

To be honest, I’m mad at everyone including myself. I’m mad at the world and if you knew what I have gone through today I would say I have every right to be. 

But do I? Is this a test I am failing? I’ll be honest. I’m mad at God. I’ve had enough. If I get too much more I’m afraid I won’t be able to find my way back. 

Today is a bad day. This week has been a bad week. 

When will it not hurt anymore? When will we finally catch a “break”? What does God want from me that I’m not already doing? 


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